What was your life like before EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) treatment? I had been a client of Becky’s for a few years before she introduced EMDR. Before this treatment, I would like to believe that I was, for the most part, stronger in emotional intelligence and self-aware/able to self-soothe through past trauma. However, now, I realize that through EMDR, I was not as solid as I previously perceived. This treatment opened my eyes to how deeply rooted my trauma was and how much suppressed emotions and feelings existed. She helped me to really ‘unpack’ them, walk through them, and then ‘put them safely away.’ It was so complex yet simple at the same time. What have you learned about yourself through this process? What I have learned about myself through EMDR is that I didn’t realize the negative thoughts/feelings that I was harboring about myself (e.g., I feel guilty). I knew I didn’t feel good and felt ‘yucky’ but couldn’t pinpoint how/what it was exactly. I then learned that I could take these negative thoughts and HELP MYSELF by knowing/understanding a positive counterpart/thought to balance it out and help me realize all the positive feelings/thoughts that DID/DO exist, but I chose not to focus on them. It helped me understand where my feelings were manifesting physiologically in my body (e.g., anger in my clenched jaw). So, this helped in my self-awareness. Most importantly, I learned that I can ALWAYS learn new tools to help me cope with trauma. I was extremely excited about this process. Becky didn’t “feed me fish.” She taught me “how to fish so I could feed myself.” What have you gained from processing your distressing events via EMDR treatment? I always thought trauma had to be something painfully traumatic (e.g., death, sexual/physical assault). While this is true, I didn’t realize that trauma can come from many different types of events in our lives. My trauma was a divorce, essentially, the death of my marriage and my family that I had hoped for throughout my life. I have gained from processing the negative emotions/feelings that resulted from my trauma (divorce) that you can use EMDR for many types of events. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. More importantly, it is essential to give space to and honor the negative feelings in your life because they will allow you to find a stronger sense of self in the end. EMDR taught me not to avoid/suppress them but to allow them to have a place in my life and to find a structured path to 1. Become aware of them and correctly identify them, 2. Process through them (like riding a wave), and 3. Put them away and focus on the positive aspects. Co-parenting? Co-parenting is not a particularly enjoyable part of the divorce. You have to work with the person who, for whatever reason, was not sound enough to stay as a nuclear parent. It challenges you in ways that I didn’t anticipate because while you can “leave a relationship,” you can’t “leave your co-parent,” and you still have to have a lifelong relationship with this person. It is surreal to begin a different type of relationship (purely platonic/routine/fairly unemotionally invested) with a person you were romantically involved with/lived life in the present and were emotionally deeply invested at one point. It is like getting to know an entirely new person and negotiating a new type of communication with them. Through EMDR, I was able to accept this lifelong relationship through a different committed lens and realize that there WILL continue to be many bumps along the way. However, I cannot let those bumps affect me the same way they did before, which was very difficult. It helped me look at things/the situation more rationally and, most importantly, keep my children at the center of my work/life so that despite an unfortunate situation with their parents, they can still have an emotionally stable parent(s) who can provide them the best life. With entering dating life after a long-term relationship/divorce, several new feelings haven’t surfaced in many years (e.g., butterflies, excitement, insecurity). EMDR has taught me to be even more aware of the new feelings I haven’t felt for a very long time and to use them as a resource for moving through a past lousy relationship; to make me feel and know that I have value, deserve love, happiness and can STILL look forward to a happy and satisfying romantic relationship/partner. How has your life been different since completing EMDR treatment? My life is lighter. Not in the sense that I don’t have heavy feelings or negative feelings, but I’m able to carry them better because I am stronger and have the correct mindset and tools to help alleviate the weight. I am a person who is structured and organized and finds comfort in routines and processes. EMDR has given me the tools to approach difficult situations in a structured, organized, and processing manner. This helps me make sense of my chaos and keep my life to help with stress. How was the outcome different from what you expected? I didn’t expect EMDR to “work while I wasn’t working directly on it.” It was fascinating to me that from one day to the next, I felt entirely different about a traumatic/stressful situation—almost like a light switch had turned on without me even trying. But I know it worked because I had subconsciously planted a seed with EMDR. It was like magic! What was positive or challenging about the process? Of course, the challenging part was actually to walk through the negative trauma/feelings/thoughts. However, what helped most is that Becky literally walked along with me and ‘held my hand’ by reminding me to breathe, talked through the experience and made sense of it, and then helped me to recognize the positive resources to use to help me move entirely through it/them. The positive part of the process was breathing, understanding the negative thoughts (putting a name to them when I didn’t realize what they were myself. Becky helped tremendously with this through her active listening), and then having my negative emotions/thoughts calmed. Describe your experience working with your EMDR therapist, Becky. Was this experience different in ways compared to other EMDR experiences or providers? I had never used EMDR treatment before (although I had heard about it). I honestly didn’t believe that my experience (divorce) warranted the therapy. But now I realize that it can be helpful for really ANYTHING! Becky was patient, kind, a fantastic listener, and could accurately pinpoint my thoughts/feelings without me being able to put a name to them myself. She helped me understand what I was feeling. She never rushed me through an event/process and gave respect to everything I felt (good and bad). She is ethical and responsible with this process and WANTS to help her clients. Her empathy is fantastic, and I could not imagine being so successful with this treatment without her (specifically) guidance.